My floors, let me tell you about my floors

Email exchange a few weeks ago at work - also known as the place where Very Important Lawyers do Very Important Work and are very very Busy...

From: Ree
Sent: Thursday, June 01, 2006 2:40 PM
To: A bunch of other Very Important Lawyers
Subject: Big News

The Scooba is cleaning my floors right now!

An added bonus - I hear that it fits under the island in the kitchen - until now, the home of crumbs, matchbox cars, little girl "hair bows," Happy Meal toys and general gunk that I have been too lazy to crawl on the floor to clean up.

Yippee!

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From: Very Important Lawyer
Sent: Friday, June 02, 2006 11:11 AM
To: Ree; and the other Very Important Lawyers
RE: Big News

ok so how did it do?

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From: Ree
Sent: Friday, June 02, 2006 11:12 AM
To: A bunch of other Very Important Lawyers
RE: Big News

awesome - my floors are clean and beautiful! but it doesn't save time if you can't stop watching it.

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From: Very Important Lawyer
Sent: Friday, June 02, 2006 11:14 AM
To: Ree
Subject: RE: Big News

you are very sad watching the scooba clean your floors...do you watch your dishwasher run, too? : )

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And I used to think I would grow up and be some cosmopolitan girl in the city out on the town, drinking martinis, flying off to Paris for lunch. Frankly, my younger self is appalled and cringing with humiliation.

I mean saying (or typing) the words "my floors are clean and beautiful" is bad enough, but I have been truly excited about the fact that I have clean floors. I think about the Scooba during the day and plan what rooms I'll use it to clean that night. I am ecstatic about the Scooba. I love my Scooba.

A part of me would like to think my younger self would understand. She knows I hate hate hate cleaning the floors, I'm no good at cleaning the floors, and I'd rather play twelve rounds of Candy Land with cranky kids than break out the mop. But really when I think about it, the only way my younger self would understand is if I lied to her and implied my new appliance was of a more intimate variety.